Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
