remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
