in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I faked an abortion last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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