if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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