i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
