We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
