You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize