i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
