My Higher Power is John Stamos
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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