if only i could text you this smell
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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