The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
