Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
