i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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