Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
