It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
