I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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