it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
