This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
