I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
