i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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