you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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