dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
