i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
