Do you still have your period?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
