I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
