Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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