i permit you to call me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
