hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
