people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
