In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
