If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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