We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
