fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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