my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
