Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
