Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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