You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
