Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
