maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize