Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
