So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
