he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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