his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
