K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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