the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
