im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
