Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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