He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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