I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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