I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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