A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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