It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
