please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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