i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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