i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
