Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
