Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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