my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize