P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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